We tend to come up with all kinds of excuses for not praying, don’t we? And sometimes, we don’t even need an excuse. We just don’t pray. But praying with our wives is one area that we must develop, or our marriages will suffer. Prayer is the one thing that can strengthen and build a marriage, more than anything else.
We have this powerful tool in our grasp, and yet we don’t use it like we should. Maybe that’s because we don’t know how.
I think we can safely say that we all know that we should pray, but maybe we just don’t know how to begin, or how to continue. Here are 11 helpful tips for developing this discipline of prayer in your marriage.
Begin with prayer on your own.
Go to God with your desire to pray with your wife. Seek his leadership and guidance as you begin this. In other words, pray about praying with your wife. Ask God for wisdom, for encouragement, for time in your daily schedule, for openness in your wife’s heart to praying together. 1 John 5:14-15 tells us that “this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.”
Set a specific time and place.
When you have a specific time and place for your prayer time together, you and your wife will be much more likely to prioritize it. If it’s on the calendar, daily or weekly, you know it’s there, and you prepare for it. If it’s not scheduled, it can surprise you or your wife, and you won’t be ready for it. An agreed upon location can also be helpful, giving you a place that will begin to be associated with your prayers together. However, life can be busy. If you need to be flexible, then be flexible.
Start slow.
Prayer is a spiritual discipline, and all disciplines require work to become a solid and effective habit. You may want to start off by praying once a week together, and gradually work towards making prayer a daily occurrence. Jumping in too big and too soon could only discourage you both.
Keep it short.
If you have not prayed together very much in your marriage, you may not know what to pray about. It’s completely okay to keep it short until you establish some rapport together in this area. You also need to be respectful of your wife’s time, and the demands of your children as well.
Hold hands while you pray.
Touch is amazingly intimate. Holding hands is an incredible way to assure your wife of your love and care, and to receive hers as well.
Listen to her.
Do not be thinking of your own prayer and the words you will be saying as she prays. Listen to her prayer. This is the very deepest part of her heart, and you need to hear it. You will also be listening for the voice of God as you pray. So slow down, pay attention. It is well worth it.
Keep it uncomplicated.
As you begin to pray together, keeping it simple can be very helpful. Pray for one another, and express the most basic needs of your heart. As you grow, you can add more to your time together.
Ensure a time of protection.
Assure one another that this is not a time of judgment between the two of you. What the two of you share together in this way is meant for the two of you alone. Don’t share this with others, don’t spread it around, and don’t hold her deepest feelings over her. Be safe.
Be supportive.
As you learn more about your wife’s heart, be supportive and encouraging towards her needs and desires. She needs to know that you are her faithful partner in this, and that you have her back, no matter what comes.
Find common areas to pray for.
Pray for things like your children, your jobs, and lost friends or loved ones. Areas in common will be areas that you can stand in agreement in prayer more easily. As you become more comfortable, you can begin to pray for more individual needs and concerns.
Follow the Holy Spirit’s lead.
Above all, follow the leading of God while you pray. He may press certain needs on your heart to be prayed for above your own list. Listen to God’s promptings and follow them.
The element of prayer is one of the most foundational to a marriage. It can create an atmosphere of togetherness and intimacy like nothing else can. It will bring strength and power to your marriage, firming it up against the waves of the world that strive to wreck it. It can give you an understanding of your wife’s heart like you’ve never known, and she can see into the depths of your heart as well.
Philippians 2:1-2 states:
So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.
This is a perfect description of what prayer in a marriage should be. You and your wife became one when you got married. Prayer can help you deepen that oneness, and keep it centered on the One who is the foundation for you lives together. The goal should be that each of you, because of your prayer time together, grows stronger in your faith. You will feel more supported, and more unified in order to take on the enemy of your souls, and as you guard you home, your marriage, and your children.
Pray with your wife!
Be deliberate, men!
How often do you pray with your wife currently? What do you need to do to take this to the next level together? You can leave your thoughts in the comments section below.