When You Feel Like A Failure

Posted by on Nov 21, 2016 in Manhood | No Comments

When You Feel Like A Failure

The past couple of years have been very tough for me. I am not sure why, but I have been under attack, and it only now that I am coming to realize this fact.

As many of you probably already know, I have a very large family. My wife and I have seven kids, ranging in age from late teens to an almost-two-year-old. I have always considered this to be a large part of my calling from God, to be a great father. This is also a very large part of why I started and maintain this website. I have always figured that if God has given me so many kids, then he must feel that I am qualified, or he will qualify me, to raise them in a way that honors him.

But for the past few years, I have struggled with severe feelings of failure as a dad, and even as a husband. I have a couple of kids who are pushing the limits of my patience, especially in their attitudes and words. And this has been very discouraging to me. My automatic assumption was that I am doing something wrong, and I tried changing and adjusting and rearranging things in our family to address it.

Nothing worked.

That must mean I’m the problem. Or at least, that’s what I was led to believe.

The past few days, I have been reading Wild At Heart, by John Eldredge. It is a book that has been around for quite a while, and I read it a long time ago. But recently, I have picked it up and have been re-reading it. And I came to the realization that I am not a failure. No, there is something else entirely going on.

I am under attack.

When we have feelings of failure and inadequacy, we are being misled by the enemy. And the intent in that misleading is to thwart our involvement and leadership in the lives of our kids. The enemy does not want us to raise up God-honoring children who are committed to Christ, and if he can convince us that we are failing, then he can tie our hands and keep us from being the dads that God wants us to be.

When we have feelings of failure and inadequacy, we think that when God sees us, all he sees is our sin. And that is wrong.

First of all, as John Eldredge points out, our sin has been dealt with! If we have placed our trust in God and accepted Christ as our Lord and Savior, then our sin has been removed. Psalm 103:12 tells us that it has been flung as far from us as the east is from the west. And that’s a pretty far distance. Look at a globe. You can travel north, and reach a point eventually where you will start heading south. But that’s not the case with east and west. You can travel east, and will never reach a point where you will be traveling west. East goes on and on forever, ultimately. And that’s how far our sin has been removed from us.

Paul tells us that our sins have been washed away in 1 Corinthians 6:11, and again in Acts 22:16. Here is a truth that we need to understand: God does not see our sin when he looks at us, if we have been clothed with Christ. What he sees is Christ’s righteousness! He doesn’t see a sinful failure. He sees a redeemed man who has been washed as white as snow by the blood of Christ!

An then, on top of that, Eldredge says, we have been given a new heart! Ezekiel 36:26-27 tells us this:

Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.  I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will be careful to observe My ordinances.

That’s what the New Covenant is all about! When Christ redeemed you and me, he took away the old man, and put a new one in its place. We are restored! We have been reunited to the God who created us!

My sin and failure is not really the state of my heart. Satan has lied and deceived me into believing that God sees a failure when he looks at me. But God has renewed my heart, and it is filled with the Holy Spirit. That is what God really sees when he looks at me. He sees that my heart is good. And he sees Christ in me.

So do not fall for the lies the enemy insidiously slips into our thoughts. Stand firm on the truth of Scripture, and continue to be the man, the husband, and the father that God has created you to be!

Be deliberate, men!

Have you fallen for this lie? What will it take for you to accept the truth about God’s work in you? You can leave your thoughts in the comments section below.

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